Midst of me.

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i felt close to them.At least its them who i can show them my cheerful and optismistic side.there's simply no restrictions for me when communicating and playing with them.Felt that there's total freedom.It's when i can feel the real me.

But yet,the polictics in our level made me felt so left out.I didn't know what to tell them.I don't know what's our common topic,i don't who's true towards others.Worst of all,i don't even know how to communicate well with them.There's simply no rapport between us.Everything's messed up,and yes.I mean it.

Things do struck me thinking you know,like people would suddenly ask me:"Why are you so quiet?Normally you're damn noisy you know?hahas."

Well,yes.Such signs can be spotted more commonly this year compared to last year.I'm ruining myself.I know.I skipped school,i don't do my homework,i slack around,i give people attitudes.Yes,curse me if you want,i won't mind about it even if you were to do it in front of me.

Just outta sudden,I just felt that the world is fake.People give you comfort out of pity,most of the time,they don't mean it.People talk to you when you're alone,cause they pity you.People smile at you,making you think "we still fren-fren." kinda thing,giving you false hopes.

When you thought you still had your family,they were not there to help you.Parents just want you to achieve academic goals they want in their hearts.Not only that,they want you to go to the stream they want,they decide everything for you.All could do was to obey them,no rights was given.Once you retaliate,they would say you've become rebelious.Hence,they would even control you more,more determined to let you go towards the path they had planned for you when you had planned your path.Worst of all,they force you to go the path they want.

After all these events happened,you're feeling so damn down.Then,you saw your friend's blog wrote some things regarding cliques which made you even more heart broken.All those efforts to make them special including the birthday celebrations seem to be wasted.Its them who made you think your clique is very important to them.yet at the end of the day,they post it on their blogs said that actually they love this clique more than their previous clique.I'm speechless and numb to give any comments.if disappointment could only be the word to describe this kind of feeling,clever people should coin more harsher words than this.

Labels: current thiinkings.